if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
