Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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