I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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