youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
