He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
