I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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