Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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