Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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