My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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