You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
