I think my fart just growled at me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
