Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
