I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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