I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
