never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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