We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
