I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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