Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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