we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
