I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
