My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
