Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
