Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
