I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
