get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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