Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
