I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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