If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
