anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
