Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
