the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
