I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it was like eating out sand paper
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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