Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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