fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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