I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
