he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
