it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
