i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
