Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
