I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
