Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
