4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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