Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
