Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
