Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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