why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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