If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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