Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
