We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
