Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
