dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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