So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
