What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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